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Millions Provide In Home Care
Five years ago, while I was busy planning for the future it came barreling in with all the speed and subtlety of a runaway freight train, not only knocking me off course but impacting every aspect of life as I knew it.
My husband, Mike, and I had successfully launched our youngest child into the world and had adapted nicely to becoming empty nesters. Still deeply in love we enjoyed being a frequent embarrassment to our children with our public displays of affection. We planned to move forward with the construction of a new home and frequent travel to exotic and romantic vacation spots. Life was good.
Walking hand in hand through a model of the home we would end up building on Magic Mountain Drive in Round Hill, VA we discussed our aging parents and how our dream house could easily be adapted to accommodate one or more of them when the time came.
The first floor office could become a bedroom with easy access to an adjacent powder room. The laundry room off the kitchen, with water lines already in place, could be converted to a walk-in shower wide enough to accommodate a wheelchair if necessary. Until then, we would open our home to friends and relatives living in Florida, California, Pennsylvania and Michigan for as long as they would like to stay. We’d show them the sights of Washington, D.C., tour local vineyards and attend as many local theatre productions as we could fit into our busy schedule. We were looking forward being, “The Carducci’s on Magic Mountain Drive.”
Neither one of us heard the warning sound of the approaching train. Nor did we glimpse the oncoming lights or feel the ground tremble before us. We, like most of you, went through each day under the impression we had some control over fate and future.
Before our dream home was even close to completion Mike and I had each lost our mother and his ailing father had come to live with us. Within a very short time, I had left my job and become a full time in-home caregiver to a mentally unstable, chronically ill family member; a job I took on without hesitation, confident that I could handle whatever would come. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but most things in life come with their own difficulties and I had already proven my mettle by marrying too young, having four children and working valiantly to make a go of a difficult marriage. Divorced after sixteen years of trying, I became I single mom with nowhere near enough income. For five years I was a mom, a breadwinner, a disciplinarian, an embarrassment to my teenagers and even more exhausted than I had been when they were newborns. Then a much younger, funny and totally wonderful man walked into my life, and together we created order out of chaos. After all that, one old man with mental and physical problems would be a challenge, but come on, really, how hard could it be?
See what I mean? Can you see the freight train coming? Can you picture Bobbi, clueless and standing in the middle of the tracks?
That’s what brings us to this moment in time. This blog is for me and for you, the millions of caregivers who work every day to support their loved ones. It’s hard, it’s heart rending and it goes mostly unnoticed by the community at large. I’d like to change that.
In this space I will share my experiences with you. My successes, my failures, my shining moments and my embarrassing missteps. I will be here for you in your darkest moments and help you find your way through the fog. I will rely on you to prop me up when I stumble and pray for me when I lose hope. Together we will succeed and hopefully set an example for the next generation of caregivers, for after all, despite all the advances in medical care the time will come when we, the caregivers, will need care. I hope those who reach out to help me will be better prepared than I was for the challenge.
In the mean time, Mike and I still plan for the future, embarrass our kids with public displays of affection and plan for short vacations to exotic locations. It just takes a lot more planning and a lot more support than it did before and over time I’ll tell you all about it.
I hope you stay tuned and pop in for chat now and then. I look forward to hearing from you.
According to the National Family Caregivers Association more than 50 million people provide in-home care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend during any given year. 60% of family caregivers are women; 1.4 million children ages 8 -18 provide care for an adult relative with 72% of them caring for a parent or grandparent.
Interesting blog. I'm dealing with similar matters myself. Look forward to future posts.
Posted by nskateh
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Nicely written and very real.
It's a dilemma that is all too familiar.
robin
Posted by rearl
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